The Two Faces of Addiction and it’s not pretty

At 13 I tried & shot crystal methadrine for the first time. What causes a young person to venture from everything they know..from their parents home and into downtown streets looking for this sort of thing. It's a question I'll try and tackle at another time...needless to say some 30 plus years later I still don't have any concrete answers that make much sense. Bit I do have some ideas as to why it may have happened.

After a year or so of shooting speed quite regularly with my then older boyfriend I tried heroin. And the rest..well the rest as they say is history.

I wish I had before & after pics of myself during that time..but I do not..so these will have to serve as a reflection of that time. I thank whomever the lady above is..and I pray she's somehow found her way back.

 

For more 'faces' of Crystal Methadrine..Methamphetamines aka speed

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I have done nothing but..

stuff my face all day..which thank the powers that be is a sure sign this mystery illness..See Here..
has offically vamoosed (I hope) outta my greatful yet burned out system. And none too soon either as I've groan (yes typo intended) way weary of listening to my own moaning. God awful shit I tell ya. Anyway I ate like I hadn't eaten in over a week..which in reality was the case...literally inhaling my food. I had this mad craving for scrambled eggs..white toast and butter..ice-cold milk and chicken drenched in President Choices 'Memories of Thailand' fiery chili pepper sauce. F%ck it was good. I have heard many stories of hunger from my mother who made it through WW II..yet until this past week I had no real appreciation (if that's what to call it) or physical concept of it. Today I did..for the first time I knew what it felt like to crave nutrients so much..chewing my food was of no concern..nor taste..just getting it in and getting it to stay down was satisfaction enough.


Right I said I'd quit with the illness right. Oakie dokie then.


Read & caught up on a few fav blogs today and was also greatly cheered from reading Baabs O' Bitchen's blog..if you haven't yet you simply must give it a lQQk see. Of particular humor to me on this day was this post from Baabs about her french teacher extraordinaire 'Frog with a Blog,' what a hoot..a HOOT.

Made me laugh and I live in french area myself...okay okay so it's on this side of the world and not the 'real' thing.

Still.

Speaking of french.

We have what's now known as Franglish/Franglais here in Quebec & the rest of english speaking Canada. It's of course a combination of english & french that serves many purposes and satisfies to some extent anyway...the need of both cultures to have their language imposed..in whatever way possible..on the other. So let's say for example one could hear while walking down any given street in Montreal expressions like 'le parti,' 'le washing machine,' 'le weekend,' or 'le Big Mac' peppering french sentences and 'the dépanneur,' (or "dep" aka convenience store), (library) and so on in english ones. "I have to stop and the bibliotech before picking you up at the dépanneur..est ce bien?'

Confusing to many but we can't seem to live without it.

A Quickie

As some may know I've been graced with my father's presence after not having seen him in 5 years. At 74 he actually got into his candy apple red Ford 'yee-ha' pick-up truck and drove the 2 thousand plus miles from Dallas to Montreal in 2 days. Wild man that he is (though not usually)...and what did he get for his efforts. A blocked uretha from driving almost straight through and waiting too long to pee during the trip..or so said the chinese Canadian emergency room doctor on duty that night. After hooking him up to a catheter to drain what was in there..and giving him 3 days of anti-biotics...with instructions to have his prostrate checked as soon as he got back home to Dallas..all is well in wonderland again.

It's great that he's here as we've not spent much time together in my adult (hehe) life..but hard too as I'm not so used to having someone around me all the time. Still I'd best hush cause I realise I'm lucky to have my parents at all.

Just a quick update like the title says..since Dad's been here I don't have the time I'm used to having re: my pc habits..hoping too have this day all to myself so I can catch up on my pc--ing and do a little hit of writing.

Cold turkey off of opiates in one thing...but let me tell ya..detoxing off of the computer is quite another.

It may even have the white stuff beat

Somebody HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!

Later gators..

My Life...

..though filled with many loving people has been mostly a trip taken alone and on my own. Although not to everyone’s taste…this blog’s creation is twofold. I mean for it to help those who may have questions about addiction and the life that brings with it..or simply for those who fancy a look. At the same time..it may be just the venue I need to go back and search for clues as to my present state.

I love much about this life I’ve been given, many would say I’ve lived a sad life..indeed..some have said it. My mother being one..and we are very close yet she doens't see it like I do. Well of course not. I suppose her vision for me was not one of addiction..and who can begrudge her that.

Not I.

If I’d had children I probably, no certainly, would have not wished them a life on drugs either.

I certainly wouldn't call it 'sad'..different from the norm most definitely..but not boo hoo sad.


As I was saying I've been blessed with love in my life..although I myself can honestly say..I’ve not yet found ‘the one.' Make no mistake..I love the people in my life who are dear to me..without a doubt..but I speak here of a ’soulmate,’ another human kind who understands my deepest fears..joys and all the insanity inbetwixt. You know..that shadow of the ’self’ one who needs no explanation..words..acceptance or to be accepted..because all is already a given.

And maybe they are not ours to find during every lifetime…maybe they come but every once in a great while. If so..I am content to diddle..doodle & daddle through this one (not necessarily in that order either) and wait until the next time the stars meet in the heavens..throwing us into one another’s paths.

So this life of mine..in all its splendor..dysfunction and highness..will be the gist of my writings here. I’ve reached a place where I’ve a need to seriously examine what sun-set I want to be heading towards in the second half of my life. Now..I ‘assume’ it’s the second half of my life because everything has suddenly become harder physically and more profound mentally. As well I’ll hit mid-life (50) next year. Truly I’m being just a tad presumptuous as I suppose I could drop dead like anyone else at any given time. So really the second half of my life would have begun when I was 25 or there abouts..but I digress..so for the purposes of this mission..I‘ll ‘assume’ I’ve a few more years to go yet.

If you should happen upon this blog..have a read..take my temporary hand if you dare..I don't bite..ask what you will..and enjoy the ride.

Mary Blackchurch

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