..though filled with many loving people has been mostly a trip taken alone and on my own. Although not to everyone’s taste…this blog’s creation is twofold. I mean for it to help those who may have questions about addiction and the life that brings with it..or simply for those who fancy a look. At the same time..it may be just the venue I need to go back and search for clues as to my present state.
I love much about this life I’ve been given, many would say I’ve lived a sad life..indeed..some have said it. My mother being one..and we are very close yet she doens't see it like I do. Well of course not. I suppose her vision for me was not one of addiction..and who can begrudge her that.
Not I.
If I’d had children I probably, no certainly, would have not wished them a life on drugs either.
I certainly wouldn't call it 'sad'..different from the norm most definitely..but not boo hoo sad.
As I was saying I've been blessed with love in my life..although I myself can honestly say..I’ve not yet found ‘the one.' Make no mistake..I love the people in my life who are dear to me..without a doubt..but I speak here of a ’soulmate,’ another human kind who understands my deepest fears..joys and all the insanity inbetwixt. You know..that shadow of the ’self’ one who needs no explanation..words..acceptance or to be accepted..because all is already a given.
And maybe they are not ours to find during every lifetime…maybe they come but every once in a great while. If so..I am content to diddle..doodle & daddle through this one (not necessarily in that order either) and wait until the next time the stars meet in the heavens..throwing us into one another’s paths.
So this life of mine..in all its splendor..dysfunction and highness..will be the gist of my writings here. I’ve reached a place where I’ve a need to seriously examine what sun-set I want to be heading towards in the second half of my life. Now..I ‘assume’ it’s the second half of my life because everything has suddenly become harder physically and more profound mentally. As well I’ll hit mid-life (50) next year. Truly I’m being just a tad presumptuous as I suppose I could drop dead like anyone else at any given time. So really the second half of my life would have begun when I was 25 or there abouts..but I digress..so for the purposes of this mission..I‘ll ‘assume’ I’ve a few more years to go yet.
If you should happen upon this blog..have a read..take my temporary hand if you dare..I don't bite..ask what you will..and enjoy the ride.
Mary Blackchurch
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